you pick and choose

people can be heartless bastards. I am not excluding myself from this statement.

is it too much to ask for people to take responsibility? to stop assuming anything? to stop being afraid? to just say what they mean up front?

said it before, and it's more relevant now than ever: say what you mean. mean what you say.

but I guess that would be too easy.

language failure

for all my depressing rants

for all my songs

for all my "training"

I can't convey what I fully mean to anybody

help me

i am not doing so well lately. i am not as strong as i have lead people to believe.

i have never felt anything like this before. nothing compares to this.

i keep thinking that i've come so far in the last couple months...but i haven't. distraction is not a solution. and reciprocation is not a reason.

my god, i have no idea what i'm supposed to do

vent

something about today made it the worst in recent memory

even people at work who semi-know me commented on me being "out of it"

so I went home early. then just fucking lost it. for a good hour or so

and then practice was just the perfect end to a perfect day

if there is any truth to waking up on the prodigal wrong side of the bed, it was today

I have no time for myself. I am not doing what I want to be doing

I am not who I want to be