decision

This turned out like
I knew it would
This isn't progress
This is regression
I'm unnecessary
And replaced

I aimed behind the eyes
and you stopped
at the skin

Don't let me
Hear myself say
These words
Don't let me
Hear what you
Aren't saying

energy

we join
like electricity
it’s like
you never
and
I never
and
we never

then

slice us in two, you
cut me in two, you
can’t see the things you do, you
never fight for me

i was

I would be there once again
We'd sit watching among the dark
You'd look into me like so many times
I never could hide (as if I wanted to)

Morning light shows me your face
Already staring at mine, waiting
I could never sleep, those nights
Conscious of your warmth flowing over me

So long ago, no way back now
I've let you slip away one too many times
You've moved on, I've walked in place
And made more mistakes than ever

Life made sense, even with the pain
You were there to save me from it all
But, even with you, I had it all wrong:
"I am not what is going to make your life better."

Oh.
Then...what is?

aftermath

My eyes are burning
Reminders of your passing
"It's not like I'm dead"
Well it is to me
And you'd have it
No other way

How do we start over
It's obvious I don't matter
Everything and everyday
Was all just lies anyway

I can only endure so much
The weight of nothingness
Growing as we speak

To say I don't care
would be like saying you do

untitled

Stretching outward
Until I can't see myself
Maybe this is easier
Unfocused at last
So many things
To think about
If I look away
I will diffuse

And there's nothing keeping me here

drink to end

Here's where it all ends
The smiles,
the laughing,
the sun
Go ahead, try to fix things
Act like you care about me
Oh, wait
I have us confused
I'm left standing here
Wanting the piece of me back
That I gave and you took so freely
The days drag on
I'm comfortably out of your mind
And to you I never existed
So maybe I'll make it easier for you
You drink to forget
I'll drink to end

used to being used

You make that face
And I’m yours again
Playing the fool
For the eighth time
I’ll bring myself down
If you don’t beat me to it

I’ve waited this long
You lied, what a surprise
I shouldn’t expect more
When I’ve done the same

I’m used
To being used
I kid myself
Into this

ebitda

You aren’t a name
You’re a number
Expendable
Invisible
Ones and zeros
All adding up to death
Trained, conditioned
Into acceptance
Even contentment (optimism)
You work
To work
To work

trophy

Run
Run far away from me
I am not
What you expected
Nor will I ever be
Your expectations were
Always too fucking high
Convince me of my worth
To keep your pride in line

fine

Silence is a virtue
Unless of course it's you
Your reticence downplays all
Everything we go through

The other hand holds a bluff
Excuses are never enough
Shift the focus
Shift the blame
Am I mistaken
Or are you not the same

Say those words again and it's over

the 5th

Your example is yourself
So it’s no surprise
No guidance
No limitations

This should be obvious

Learn from (your) mistakes
Don’t take pride in them
I’ve learned the hard way
And not repeated myself
(At least, not by choice)

if only you’d understand
I would still only be…

apology

Sorry, you just missed it
I could’ve waited, but
You just weren’t
Worth it
How does it feel
On the downside of
Forbearance
I sympathize
But only to a point
And even then I don’t
Know who I’m lying to
More
We all lie to ourselves
…some more than others
Just wait you say to me
This isn’t what it seems
(And) you stay in place
Or so it seems (what does it mean)
You tear/rip me apart
With these things
That you’ve done to me
I see you now
And it’s all I can do
To not laugh

axiom of insecurity

There is no way to feel
Better than you let me
I’ll bend you to my will
Then deny it all
To be in keeping
With expectations
I can always fail
To stop trying
To fail

parallel altruism

You hate what we’ve become
Well
I hate to say I knew
It would be this way

You know this song’s about you
…don’t you?

You tell me we always fight
I feign surprise
But it’s par for the course

I’ll blame you
And hate you
And never speak to you again
But it’s all on me